I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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