How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
