I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
