My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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