Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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