Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
