did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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