Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
