i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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