operation harelip BJ is a go
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
