Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
