Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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