ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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