think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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