I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
