I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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