My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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