dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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