We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
