peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
