so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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