3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
