So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
