So drunk its hurt
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
