Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
