Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
