We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
