my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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