I wanna passion pit in your ass
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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