I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
