So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
