You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
