Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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