"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
