The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
