If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
