I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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