I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
