11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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