I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
