hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
