I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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