i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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