Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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