I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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