i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
