Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
