The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You left your phone here
Wait...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
