i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't deserve a penis
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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