Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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