Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
