i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
