How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
