I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
