these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish they made helmets for livers.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
