Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
