i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
