....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
