bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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