Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
