I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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