if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
